Curb them but don't break their spirits.
Money can't buy everything.
What was past was past.
Who were dead were dead.

...a man who has felt the cold finger on his shoulder, has heard the wail of the Banshee.
After a woman has faced the worst that can happen to her she can't ever really fear anything again.

War between North and South is "a rich man's war and a poor man's fight".

Ellen:
Be firm but be gentle with inferiors, especially darkies.
Be kind to the afflicted.
Show tenderness to those in sorrow and in trouble.
(Margaret Mitchell)