Alcohol may be man’s worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.

Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.

I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I lost two weeks.

If the ocean was vodka and i was a duck
I’d swim to the bottom and never come up.
But the ocean’s not vodka and i am not a duck
So pass me a bottle and shut the f**k up!