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---------Смотрю в книгу, вижу фигу---------, , ╔══════════════════════════════╗ ║██████████████████████████████║ ║█████─██─█────█─────█─██─█████║ ║█████─██─█─██████─███─██─█████║ ║█████────█───████─███────█████║ ║█████─██─█─██████─██████─█████║ ║█████─██─█────███─███────█████║ ║██████████████████████████████║ Пошел как-то Зюганов поутру на рыбалку. Ловил-ловил и поймал золотую рыбку. Ну, там все дела, мол, отпусти ты меня, а я любое желание твое выполню, проси что хочешь. Зюганов в затылке почесал и говорит: - Хочу быть президентом! Ну, тут сразу дым, гром, молния... В общем, когда дым рассеялся, смотрит он - над ним люди в белых халатах склонились и так душевно говорят: - Доброе утро, Борис Николаевич. Пора капельницу ставить. * * * Мама - дочке в роддоме: - Ну, милая, ну потерпи, ну подумай как ежики рожают! * * * Попугаю дали Виагру... Он выбежал во двор и перетрахал там всю живность. Хозяин в ужасе, не знает, что делать. Наконец, придумал: посадил попугая в морозилку, пусть, думает, подмерзнет... Через два часа хозяин открывает морозилку и видит попугая... в поту!.. Хозяин в недоумении: "Как?.." А попугай: "Ты знаешь, сколько времени у меня заняло раздвинуть ноги мороженой курице???" * * * У мента спpашивают: - А вы дома жену бьёте? - Да вы что! У меня дома что, втоpая смена?! * * * Очень симпатичная молодая девушка пришла к доктору на прием. После тщательного обследования доктор сказал: - У вас отличное здоровье, кроме вот этих мозолей на коленях. Они могут привести к осложнениям. Вы можете мне рассказать, откуда они появились? Девушка покраснела и сказала: - Я думаю - это от секса. Каждый раз, когда мы занимаемся любовью, мы используем позу "стоя на четвереньках". - Ну-с, тогда от этих мозолей можно будет легко избавиться, - сказал доктор. - Я уверен, вы знаете и другие позиции! - О! Конечно! Я-то знаю, - сказала девушка, - но моя собака - нет! * * * - Какое лучшее средство от поноса? - "Тампакс"! - А от запора? - Штопор! * * * Встречаются два джентльмена. У одного очень понурый вид, второй его спрашивает: - Что случилось, Джонни? - Да, понимаешь, замочил свою жену и маюсь, правильно ли я поступил. - Ты? Мэри? - Да. - Врешь! - Пошли, покажу, где я ее зарыл. Приходят в сад, там все свежевскопанно, а из земли торчит задница. - Это ее? - Ну да. - А почему всю не закопал? - Понимаешь... очень удобно велосипед ставить. * * * Пошёл мужик анализ кала сдавать. Положил его в спичечный коробок и пошел в поликлинику. И пропал

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