Нуууу, почему бы не использовать 8-Bit Theater как начало?) Тэкс:

"Wait. If it's a Cave of No Return, how does anyone know what's inside of it?"

"Welcome to Corneria!"

Black Mage: I'm dead, so this is some kind of egoscopic projection of my self?
Lord of Hell: Correct, but I hardly see what—
Black Mage: So without any fleshy meats to slow me down, how long do you really think it'll take me to usurp your entire kingdom?
(Beat Panel)
Lord of Hell: I have the entire legions of Hell at my command.
Black Mage: Enjoy it while you can, skippy.

Black Mage: Okay Red Mage, enlighten us. How can a plan that makes no sense work?
Red Mage: One simple reason: It makes too little sense to fail.
BM: What.
RM: Most plans are critically flawed by their own logic. A failure at any step will ruin everything after it. That's just basic cause and effect. It's easy for a good plan to fall apart. Therefore, a plan that has no attachment to logic cannot be stopped. The success or failure of any step will have no effect on the macro level.
BM: That's so stupid I can't even see straight anymore.
RM: Now imagine what'll happen when physics tries to figure it out!

"My plans are always practical! It's the laws of physics that get in the way of my success."

Black Mage [seeing mutant Chocobo created by Red Mage]: What is it?!
Red Mage: We went over this. Fruits of Genius. All it required was a cocktail of dangerous, experimental surgery and a willingness to ignore the unnecessary suffering of perfectly innocent beings! Also, I shot magic into their chromosomes until they turned inside-out. Evolution is my BITCH.

"Oh, I see. You STUPIDED yourself into extinction."

Dragon: You don't want to kill me.
Black Mage: Not specifically, no. But I enjoy killing in the academic sense. Also in the murder sense.

"Dwarven gravitational theory states that enough ale will make anything fall down."

"What I hate most about talking to you jerks is that I always know what you're going to say. Partly because I exist in six directions in time at once, but also you are all stupid."

Princess Sara: Dad, your approval rating is slightly lower than a hole in the head.
King Steve: Oh, I'm sure they're exaggerating like the infinitely stupid morons they are.
Princess Sara: Well, the poll only had two choices. One, be ruled over by King Steve forever. Two, get a sword through your head. We lost 52% of the participants.
King Steve: Tough but fair.

"You're an elf. Your history is a very long love poem dedicated to bloodshed. And to yourselves."

Black Mage: What I learned today is that really old wizards don't get that way by being easy to kill.
Thief: So, you didn't get any spells?
Black Mage: In the sense that getting stabbed gives you a blade, man, I got spells.

"You know what I learned today? When Sarda casts a spell to hurt you, and you learn that spell, you learn to cast a spell that hurts you."

"I am Sarda. My will be done."

"With great power comes great authority, but absolute power rocks absolutely."

"HADOYASTOPTHIS?!"

"Suckers!"

-Do you know the best thing about magic?
-No.
-EVERYTHING.

-:Your all selfish monsters who need to die for the good of everyone else.
Black Mage: Wait, even Fighter?
-: Except Fighter.
Fighter: Yay!
-: He's a casualty.
Black Mage: Yay!